Waitress

How do we get stuck in something
that we love and hate at the same time...
Make our own life miserable,
trying to move on and get out.
But after a while...
it starts feeling so normal that we feel no pain...
That we think that it was my fate.
Try to break ties and move on but get tied by fake emotions...
That we are so scared of losing whatever crumbs are left,
that we cant see that the pie is over.
Forget what we wanted from ourselves,
what we wanted from those who complicate everything.
Say things will get better,
knowing that is the biggest white lie.
Nothing to hold onto but hold onto that was never meant to be.
Try to make sense of things which nomore have any meaning
Be the only one walking on a road,
On a path that was once walked by more.
And not even realize that there is noone on our side.

Sometimes things need to be broken before they can be fixed

Once I asked a friend, " Can you ever hate someone you have ever loved?" He told me, "You need to force yourself to hate the person for sometime to let that person go. You need to start listening to everything negative told about that person and most important is to start believing those things." 

 

It is not one of those deeply thought profound philosophy of life but a logical way to move on.  This goes for anyone and everyone whom we love in our lifetime. Friends, relatives, anyone. We may never be able to hate them but we definitely need to give them lowest order in our priority list. 

I always say hate is a very strong word.

 

We quite frequently use it without truly understanding what it symbolizes. I think hate is that state of mind or heart or feeling, which makes us happy when something very very unfortunate happens to the that person. Now just for a moment think of all those people you thought you hated and answer this question..."Would it make you Happy if one of them meets an accident or something worse?" I dont think there will be many we would want to go through with this. That is what hate is all about.  And no matter how much we think we are sadistic, it doesn't work that way. We may dislike a lot of people, but we rarely hate. Its just that we use it so frequently that forget how to distinguish between hate and dislike.

 

Similarly love is a very strong word. At times we confuse it with just liking someone or being fond of someone. These other categories- fond or liking keeps changing from time to time. But love is like an irreversible status. Once it happens, its done forever. Then no mater how hard we try we can never hate that person. It doesn't work that way. You can't love a person with all your heart one day and next day pretend as if he/she doesn't matter. What do we do then?

 

Sometime back I watched a movie in which it was possible to get a brain mapping done. This could remove all memories and traces of existence of any person we wanted to be deleted from our memory.

That would make life much easier…

 

Every time we love someone, something inside us changes. And when that person goes away we need to break down those things to get back to track. We need to become what we were before we met that person. It is somewhat like reverse engineering. Only I wish it were that easy...

Where are we...

Someone said, life is change and it’s change that we live everyday.
But it feels that I am stuck at some time in the past, while everyone moves ahead
Words that I heard somewhere in the past, feels like an old song forgotten.
The tune is still the same but its meaning lost in time
Places and images fresh in my mind are a haze everywhere else.
Meanings of simple musings have lost their relevance
Words feel fake, relationships worse
As if we exist together in different zones and different cultures.
Who are you sitting beside me?
A face I stared at for hours but still cant understand
Suddenly words are needed to fill silences,
And my voice to tell you wat is going on in my mind.
Distances are shortened but it takes a hundred thoughts to reach out
Like without realising we changed our lanes.
And now in this mesh around us, we are lost to one another.

Wats your role???

Wats your role???                                                           June-08 (bangalore)

Well, here’s a thought.
Every movie tells a story and every story has a lead character. Either it is his story that is told or the story revolves around him. Either way, it’s always all about Lead. Have you noticed people around the lead whom we call Support…

Be it Hollywood or Bollywood I have found a common link. In most of the cases it is the Supporting actor- (lead’s best friend, mother, sister etc) who the director would not even take a minute to wipe off the big screen. Even we as audiences emotionlessly watch Support getting sick, getting killed or simply getting shadowed in each in every scene. Think of any movie where there are a bunch of friends and you would notice that the support characters are only there to give more importance to the Lead.

Now, the thought is even the Support must be having his own story… but who tells their stories. I mean does anyone ever notice when a support is heart-broken or dies. Things must be happening even in a support’s life, maybe not that relevant or important and even he must be having special people around him. But noone cares.

So what am I trying to get to with all this Lead Vs Support funda? It makes me think- Whats my role? If ever a movie is made on my life who would I play in it? Is my life important / interesting enough to be a Lead or will I be playing someone’s support…

What could be greater than a mother’s love?

October-2004 (Kolkata)

Every grain of sand is created in a thousand years,
And yet it rests on a beach as worthless, lifeless as it could,
Serving the purpose of its creation,
Frozen, abandoned on a beach.
Then think,
A million years it must have taken to create a single soul.
Each one having their destiny,
Each one having a goal,
But before we find our destiny or goal,
The Lord wants us to know of love
And finally entrusts us to a mother’s womb,

Before we come into this world.

Everyone's Complaining

05.04.05 (L&T, kolkata )

Lying on bed on a summery day
I asked my feet “ Aye sir, how do you do?”
To my utter amazement it bellowed,
“You walk me all day, what do u expect me to say,
And once in a while when I get to rest.
You wake me up n ask if I’m at my best...
To be hand and not touch the ground would be blessed”.
There I let the feet lie before it got more stressed...

Not in my senses was I, I guess..
That I asked my eyes “ hope there’s no mess”
And to my horror...It screamed right back at me...
“ The feet rests while you sit during day,
But I keep blinking even when you’re not aware,
I’m not your pretty hair, you so much care..
Even when its hot u ‘ve to be awake,
Give me some peace for heavens sake”

Maybe the feet n the eye need rest,
I’ll talk to the hand lying idle on my chest
“Pretty lady, are u all right?”
“You chew me all day without thinking of my plight,
And when I’m sleeping during the night,
I’m thrown in air to keep away the fly,
Carry all luggage, but without any spite
If I got some regard, that would be alright “

I thought to myself, there is someone who has no pain
Maybe this straight long hair will not be vain,
“Huh”, she tells me with a long long sigh,
“You pull me up, tie me down, cause so much strain,
Remember me seldom, from this beauty what do i gain?
Doing no work, abandoned I lie,
Make me suffer in pain, crop me down to suit your style,
If that’s your mercy, I’d prefer to die”

Then I sat quietly to hear no more complain,
Coz everyone ‘s in sorrow, everyone’s in pain.