Helpless

I was feeling helpless for the first time in my life... Feeling helpless about everything that was happening with me and around me... feeling helpless about being just a spectator in this entire web...

It felt suddenly like coming out of a protected cocoon and steping onto a world which felt pretty around me but where we were all selfishly wrapped in our own needs and luxuries..

I was watching with disgust a few auto walas bullying me just because they were a mob and we were less in numbers, a cop standing and laughing at my friend bleeding on the back seat of my car, disgusted with the fact that I would rather give the a couple of thousands just to avoid running around police stations for something which is their duty..

I am beggining to get tired of this helplessness... of just being one in the thousands who has enough to have a decent life but no sense of accomplishment in anything I am doing. It's not even a year since I have been working and it has already begun to irritate me... Sometimes I get scared whether this irritation will change me as a person...

Till now whenever something goes wrong with me I compare myself with the less fortunate and get on with my life.. But now it does not console me anymore. I always say money or position doesnt matter, but what matters is whether we are happy or not. Now I could not find that happiness around me.. My feelings have changed... I look at myself and I want something more out of myself.. Where my education and capability questions me... I always saw myself as a strong person, but this now haunts me... I can see myself turning into one of those thousands who just work for a living...

I cant see things clearly anymore, but I am still glad, because atleast I am feeling Helpless...